You might think that I review in full everything that I see, do and experience in Las Vegas, but you’d be wrong. There are often times when I have every intention of writing a review about something when I return home, but by the time I get around to doing it and look at my notes, I realize I have almost nothing to say about it. Maybe just one thing about the experience really stood out. . .and you can’t exactly write an entire blog post with a couple of sentences, can you?
But then I thought, hey, people write whole books full of nothing but vignettes. Why couldn’t I pull together a collection of my one-off thoughts about some things and create a blog post out of it? It’ll be like an anthology of one-paragraph reviews. So, without further ado, here you go: A small collection of my shortest “reviews” ever:
I Heart Burgers, And I Love Your Buns
A typical burger joint in most ways, I was impressed with how spacious the restaurant was, the number of counter seats, and the garlic parmesan fries, which were to die for. (Vampires, beware.) The Dante burger was tasty. But I’m a little embarrassed to admit that what I loved the most about this place. . .was their cute little branded buns.
(Technically, the name is “I Love Burgers,” but what do they expect when they’re all cutesy and substitute “love” with a heart? This place has two locations in Las Vegas; I ate at the Palazzo outlet.)
T & T*–Not Dynamite, But Maybe Nitroglycerin
I had a myVEGAS voucher to use for a free margarita at T&T (Tacos & Tequila) at the Luxor last year. So I grabbed a late dinner here one night. I had a forgettable chicken tamale and a house margarita that was so strong, it was like drinking gasoline. . .or nitroglycerin. I was too embarrassed to leave it untouched on the bar, so after I finished and paid for my food, I asked to get it in a to-go cup. I took it back to my room, dumped half of it down the sink and watered down the other half. It was still too strong to drink. Whoa.
*Get it? T&T, TNT? Wink.
Five50 Pizza Bar: It Has a Bar. And Pizza
The name of this bar at the Aria resort is supposedly the ideal temperature for cooking pizza–or so my dining companion said. The conversation over lunch was far more interesting than the food itself. We ordered the “Truffle Pizza,” so I might be forgiven for thinking we were ordering a mushroom pizza, but in fact, the “truffle salami” (what the HELL is that?) outnumbered the mushrooms by about 10 to 1. So why not just call it a “Salami Pizza” so people know what they’re ordering? I’d eaten breakfast about an hour before lunch, so i couldn’t eat more than a slice anyway. Given the size and prices of the pizza here and the fact that I can’t eat more than a couple of slices by myself, I probably won’t be back. But hey–the rootbeer was good.
Nacho Daddy: Nacho Average Margarita
Let’s be honest: All I did was drink here. I didn’t even try the nachos. But I loved this place! The bar staff was fun and friendly and they make the best damn White Peach Margarita ever. Also, it’s a lovely place to sit and drink on a warm day, because they pop the front wall of the restaurant out, so you get the fresh air and sunshine, but also the air conditioning. I’ll raise a mason jar to that.
Nacho Daddy is located in Downtown Las Vegas, just off Fremont Street.
The MORE Buffet. . .More Nausea?
My most vivid memory about this buffet at the Luxor was that I was certain I was going to get food poisoning from it. As I descended the escalator into the archaeological dig-themed restaurant space, a foul smell rose from below and surrounded me like the Curse of the Mummy. It smelled like bacteria, or a faint, fishy smell. It was the kind of odor you never want to smell in a restaurant. I almost turned around and ran back up the down escalator, but I had a free voucher from myVEGAS to use, and after all the hours I put into that stupid game, I was determined to use it. But I really, really didn’t want to. Surprisingly, the food did not make me sick, but it was unremarkable in every way. I did like the themeing. But the stench, oh my God, I could smell it every time I passed the escalators while walking through the casino. I imagine that’s what a pyramid would smell like after being sealed up for thousands of years with dead Pharaohs inside.